True to what most people have told me, babies and children do grow up pretty fast! Today, I cannot help but look at my 1-year-old son and wonder how I did everything that I have done as a mother in a span of one year.
Have I done OK? Good? Is it enough? Have I been the best Momma to my little man in his 1st year here on earth?
It is hard to analyze. But right now, (and I think as always I will be) I am overwhelmed and filled with joy. So I am writing a letter to my dearest first born just for me to somehow express these emotions I have been trying to contain. I am just way more than happy to be my son’s mom.
To My Dearest Little Man:
Hello there my Gabriel Zidane. My first born. My lovely little man.
Today is such a special day for the both of us. A year ago, we met each other for the first time.
We had our unang yakap (first hug) – your first latch, our first touch. Though it’s been a year that has passed by, the memory of seeing you for the first time even if I am not wearing contact lenses at the time I’ve given birth to you, is still vivid in my memory.
They laid you above my stomach, trying to make you cry. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to touch you but I feel like I was caught off guard, seeing you for the very first time made me feel like I was a baby too. Like I do not know anything in this world. Like I was a robot that has been reset.
I saw your eyes, even shut closed, I knew in an instant that you are your father’s son.
The nurses have told me:
Go on, Mommy. Hug him. Touch him.
And so I did.
That was the most surreal thing in my whole life.
You are my dream come true, Gabriel. Most people do not know that your Momma’s deepest desire is to be a Mom. I know deep in my heart that I want to be a Mom. I prayed hard… And you are my answered prayer. The Amazing Grace of the Lord sent you unto us.
I pray that God will bless us the wisdom for us to be the wise parent to you at all times. We’re not perfect but please know that we are striving to be the best that we could ever be and that we will never run out of love for you.
I also pray to God, that as you grow up, you’ll be loving, humble and God-fearing. I pray that you’ll always be safe and healthy and most of all… I desire that you grow up to be a happy kid.
As common to almost all the parents as it may seem, but you truly have changed our lives. Most especially mine. And I will forever be grateful to the Lord for giving you to us. We have been blessed with more than what we even deserve.
We love you so much, son! Momma loves you so much!
Lots of hugs and kisses!