Fairytales aren’t real. Love is.

Sometimes, because of the heartache and tears that every relationship I had in my entire life has instilled in me, I just wanted to be alone  and free — go to some place very far away — with my books as my company and partner in life, enough for me to go on and live. I’d just be in the world where no one could hurt me; where heartaches are just a part of the road to a happy ever after with the one you truly love. A place where I can feel like i’m the most beautiful princess, or the braviest warrior, or the most fragile girl where there will be that someone who will save me from the pit I am into. He will love me, cherish me and we will be in our happiest being together.

But then, this is life. This is reality.

Fairytales aren’t real and it’s just a pigment of someone’s imagination. One must realize that there are no perfect story. That one kind of relationship I envy most might just end tomorrow. The kind of love story I may be fantasizing about has its flaws hidden no one’s dared to know. The novels, the fairytales written in a happy ever after might not have ended happy after all. The story just ends because it’s the end of the page already; or the book is mandated to only have 246 pages because the publisher says so. The characters are still alive, we wouldn’t know the supposedly next chapter by then. It could’ve been they have eventually parted ways and the princess might have met another prince.

With this kind of realizations that somehow compliments the life I live… that tells me to “Go and live alone. You’d rather not love at all ’cause love would make you cry. Love would hurt you ’til you rather want to die and be gone. Love, even in fairytales or novels, is uncertain and has no real direction.”

But… I strongly believe in the power of love. Maybe that kind of love I’ve read, I’ve seen on books or have heard from television are but a portion of the writer’s imagination…. but it’s still love after all.

If I’d be asked… I just couldn’t live a life without love. Maybe, just maybe, it’s what keeps me alive then.

Living independently.

I remember the burning desire in my heart to be an independent woman ever since I was a teenager. As a struggling teen, I have had major issues in life from family, friends to heartaches that I wished to just go away and live on my own in a place where nobody knows me so no one can hurt me. But of course I didn’t. I stayed and I survived. But now that I have already graduated from college and I am earning my own money enough to support my financial needs, what now? My first year of working in the corporate world was never easy. I had to endure 1-2 hours transportation time from home to the office, and knowing EDSA as one of the most used transportation roads here in the Philippines, one can easily imagine the pain and headache of having to pass on it every single day, 5 days a week! It was a burden. If the road was just traffic-free, then my transportation time will be just as short as 30 minutes! (Oh, heavenly feeling it is!) Being so stressed, I tried asking my parents to allow me to rent somewhere nearby the office. And guess what? They disagreed! Haha! It actually became an issue and my dad and I had a very heated argument through text. We didn’t talk to each other for the next two weeks. How awkward was that? I just gave up that idea and endured the long hours of travelling. Year 2013 when I got a job so far away from home! And by far away, I mean it takes me 3 painful hours of travelling just to get to the office! And another 3 hours to go home. Yes, I tried using the MRT and it did shorten the travelling hours by 30 minutes (big help? 😐 ). This time I told myself that I have to really go away from my comfort zone and leave my family’s home to spare myself from the stress of travelling, BECAUSE IT’S UNHEALTHY! Papa and Mama have seen me lose a lot of weight, I looked too exhausted every time I’ve gone home, so at last! They allowed me to move out. I have to be honest that I was so excited way back then.  The idea of living away from your parents is achieving the FREEDOM every young adult wants!

Yes, I became free… But to be honest, it’s a big adjustment for me. I am totally responsible for myself and I am to make sure I manage my expenses very wisely. Sometimes, sadness hits me ‘coz I am far away from most of my friends. I want to set a catch up meeting with them, but it’s less possible especially that we have different shifts. It feels like I don’t have a social life! In our apartment, we don’t have a television set, or even a radio. I HAVE NO INTERNET CONNECTION! Can you imagine how do I survive each passing weekend? I only go home to my parent’s house every salary cutoff (so here in the Philippines, that’s twice a month).  And another thing, though I am feeling tired and restless from a day’s work,  I will still have to cook my dinner and another meal for the next day’s packed lunch. When it’s laundry day, I have to do it even if it’s 10 in the evening! Or else, I might end up wearing rice sacks. Haha! Those are some of the cons of moving out from home however, it comes with a lot of pros, too!

Moving out taught me to cook! And by learning how to cook, I mean I’ve also learned different recipes.  I tried experimenting and fortunately, some of those turned out good! 🙂 Before, I cook because I have to. Now, I cook because I want to! It’s a new developed passion. I’m always excited to try out new recipes I’ve found from the internet or have heard from an office mate. I also learned cooking meals with veggies (which I prefer because it’s much more budget friendly). When it comes to budgeting my finances, I can say I’m a lot practical now. I have control on my needs vs. wants. I’d be in debt if I haven’t been controlling the urge to shop! On weekends, I’m having a wonderful day by cleaning the house, cooking or reading a book. No noise, no TV, no internet, yet peaceful! Less stress and more relaxing. I guess the reason why my vital signs are already normal is because I have a “me time”. I’m no longer anemic and my urinalysis is already normal, really a lot healthier than before!

Who would’ve thought I would survive living independently? It’s another milestone for me. Being a young adult, I can say I am free, happy and healthy with this whole new experience. There have been a lot of learning opportunities that I may have not learned if I am still in my parent’s crib, and I know there are a lot more to come. I’m just glad my parents have finally let me explore the jungle and be able to handle things on my own.

I just have to be prepared, every single day! So that every night before I go to sleep, I can safely say while praying to God that I have survived. 😉